Silence

I edit myself into silence. Perhaps I am not alone in old age in doing that. I’ve known so many approaching the end of their lives who keep their thoughts to themselves. They appear to be serene. I think that they are, like me, not serene. They are dealing, with dignity, with the stage they have reached. I wandered out tonight to look out at the fields and the hills a few miles away, under wide skies, with their scattering of clouds, blue-grey and white in the evening light. Heavy rain has left a scent of grass and herbs and sweet verdure. Cornflower and foxglove and raspberry bushes are full of bees. I don’t, or can’t walk, very far. I’ve nothing to say – or have I?  I love the perpetual return of Spring and Summer, even the  winter frosts and the spicy bite of the mists which hide the hills. The seasons return, for ever. I trust they symbolise something which is eternal and does not exist only in time.  Mrs Llew and I have been reading her diaries over her lifetime. What a busy life we had and how many seasons we lived through. I hope and trust that all the seasons of our lives will chime with a meaning and a blessed meaning which we cannot discern at this moment.

We have a young elder tree. It won’t flower this year but I hope we are both here to see it next June.

I said I edit myself out of existence. I  shall post this, even so,  and hope that it will speak for others at my stage of life.  I do trust that that all shall be well and our troubles resolved in the light of Eternity.

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4 Responses to Silence

  1. howiejw says:

    Well you haven’t lost your ability to beautifully construct powerful prose.

  2. Rob Hickok says:

    Llew, this is beautiful. And I hope you do endure to see your elder tree come to flower. Eternity is forever, so that is to be savoured, but there is much here, lonely as it can become, with memories and remembrance of the shadows, that is a part of us. All of it is something on which we can ruminate and seek within the kernel of meaning and, hopefully, joy.

  3. lleweton says:

    Thanks Rob, for the insight you share – and your encouragement.

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