I write from the heart here. Some readers have expressed their pleasure in my posts but I’m not sure there is anything left to mine in this vein. In my ‘About’ section here I say this blog is about memory: ‘making sense, making whole, making peace’.
It was memory which was the trigger for this series: of family life, of my childhood and my children’s childhood. It was sparked by the tragedy of false recovered memory, which has hit my family and many other families I know.
I thought of family holidays: good memories, happy memories, the trips on the Teignmouth Ferry. … I hoped that somehow, in the world of the mind, the unseen world which we all inhabit as we go about our mundane existence, these memories would sound a note of truth and that somehow they would be heard.
Thoughts and memories of the sea grew in my mind. The sea became an image of eternity and, sailing upon it, the passage from mortality to life eternal. But, as I remembered it, I saw it through gaps in high Devon hedges, across pastureland, where the sea was a blue-white haze in the distance. I lingered on these sweet, temporal images. I still do. For some reason today, I half-remembered Wordsworth’s Ode ‘On the Intimations of Immortality from Early Childhood’. I came across these words:
‘Hence in a season of calm weather/ Though inland far we be,/Our Souls have sight of that immortal sea/ Which brought us hither,/Can in a moment travel thither, /And see the children sport upon the shore, /And hear the mighty waters rolling evermore.’
That is a glimpse of the future, I trust, and also of the past, before the dark clouds swept over.
In the meantime a generation has rolled on. Now, as I look back, I dwell upon the present. In the factory of my life and that of my family there is unfinished business wherever I look. Perhaps, little by little, things are being sorted. There are great flashes of joy. Those who know me and Mrs Llew will recognise whence they come.
Meanwhile, my future posts might be more about things like arthritis and old age in general.