As I have said in trying to describe this blog: ‘It is about memory, looking back, making sense, making peace, making whole, among other things.’
Today I remembered that I began a journal several years ago and I see that it is integral to life here and now, on the headland. I may dip into the journal now and then, while my thoughts stay centred on the present. Here is the first entry:
5 Feb 2002
These jottings will probably amount to nothing. I shall write uncritically because if there is a form in what is represented it is a form which will disclose itself as the notes go on: noting …. nothing much. Snowdrops and sheep have been my inspiration, and the smell of the gale-drenched earth. Ever since I was a small child something in our English countryside has spoken to me through my senses of something of which ‘homecoming’ is the nearest word which comes to mind. Perhaps ‘harbour’ would do. But here I speak of the green patchwork of our land. ‘Haven?’ ‘ Heaven’ . Yes perhaps that will do. The place half-remembered: the yearning and the tease of Lewis’s and Eliot’s searchings. Here and now my yearning comes, as it often has since my Devon infancy, through a primrose.
Today my cycle travels took me to Towersey where, in the richly tufted churchyard snowdrops flowered in profuse scatterings. Two early celandines were in bloom. After a week or more of driving winds and rain the sky was clear, with the full range of the Chilterns in view as I rode towards Chinnor, against the wind. The roadside streams ran full and clear and in Towersey the rich water weeds stretched long and green on the surface of the racing current. I pedalled hard downhill till I saw the spire of Emmington church, very small and almost demurely hidden in its hilltop. The other way, Sydenham. These were for exploration on another day. I sailed back uphill with the wind behind me where drifts of sheep in the great field at the bottom of Fanshawe Road grazed in the evening sun.
Surely a photograph or a painting would do this better. We’ll see what happens.